The other side of the coin

Focus is one of the keys to success. Without focus your attention is divided and whatever your doing won’t be your best work, or your best self. If you wish to be great at something, you must devote all your attention to that.

Which will require you to eliminate less important things. You have to discipline yourself to NOT do things.

You have to consciously say no to things that could be fun or interesting but not necessarily what is going to help you achieve your goals.

Instead of forcing yourself to do more, you are actually forcing yourself to do less.

Its a different side of the same coin

The Truth About What People Think of You

I overheard a conversation in the gym locker room recently, the lady said “I worry so much about what people think. Do they think i’m fat, old, ugly? I constantly kick myself, thinking did I say the wrong thing? Did I take the wrong approach with that? What do they think of me? I hate how self conscious I am, but I constantly worry about how I appear to others.” My flippant answer as I was rushing out the door was “People will view you the way you view yourself. So if you think YOU are confident and beautiful, than other people will too.” Good advice maybe, but a little watered down. In retrospect this is what I wish I’d shared......

We would worry less about what other’s think of us, if we realized how seldom they do.

Yes, unfortunately, gossip is a reality and quite possibly you’ve been the subject before. But don’t assume that you’re constantly being judged. Your self consciousness stems from the idea that you’re so important that everyone is concerned with, and critiquing your every move. It’s awfully self absorbed to think that way. Carly Simon has a song that states “you're so vain, you probably think this song is about you!” It’s vanity to assume you’re so important that people would devote time and energy to analyzing your appearance, your actions and your social graces. You’re not the center of attention all the time. That may seem harsh, but it’s meant well. :)

People are primarily selfish. Just a cold reality. Often they’re more wrapped up in their own existence, their cares,and insecurities to worry about yours. Yes people will make quick judgements, but no one is criticizing your every move except......you!!

Sometimes, you are your greatest enemy.

Yes it’s important to analyze your actions and understand your faults and weaknesses, but only if it’s for positive change and growth.

Another thought..... people who are so concerned about who’s watching, attract even less attention than others because they’re so concerned with fitting in that they take it too far. They begin to disappear! Within their minds, however, they still believe they’re being judged. What a sad existence! Constantly fearful of looking the wrong way, saying or doing the wrong thing, when the truth is, they’re the only ones who notice. Self consciousness does something terrible, it destroys the unique individual, and all thats left is just another person struggling for recognition and acclaim, yet never getting there because they’re afraid of it.

How to be a good listener in 6 (not so simple) steps

Connected and engaged listening is an incredible skill. Good listening can be awfully difficult, but as it’s practiced, it will  become a habit. It’s beneficial to every relationship because people need to feel they are being heard and understood. If you can do this consistently and well, you will have learned a great way to show love. To listen well, you must first want to listen. Force yourself to be engaged in the conversation whether you’re interested or not. If you're going to undertake a conversation, don’t do it half heartedly. It’s disrespectful and deceitful to have your mind occupied elsewhere as you pretend to be listening. Whatever method you take for capturing your thoughts and creating the desire to be engaged, do it!

Now that you've cultivated the desire to hear what the other person has to say, it's only reasonable that you Do NOT engage in other activities while you are listening. It makes the other feel uncomfortable and unimportant. Multi tasking is indeed a skill, but there are certain times that full and complete attention to one thing is worth the effort. This is one of those areas. Regardless of whether you did hear them amidst your project, the speaker feels as though you didn’t.

It's uncomfortable at first, but it speaks volumes if you maintain eye contact. We have all experienced telling a story, where we get distracted because we wonder what on earth is behind us, to our right, left and above us. Flies? Bubbles? Angels? People’s eyes dart all over the place, and we rush to finish the story as soon as possible. Their lack of eye control makes us assume they're looking for the nearest exit. It takes self control to maintain eye contact, but it's worth developing.

Okay so this one requires some serious self control. Hold your tongue until there's a good pause to insert your comments. Don’t interrupt! People need to feel they have been heard. When you don’t allow them to finish their sentence, you are telling them, you don't care what they have to say.

When you do interject with your own thoughts, first off, acknowledge what was said, and then talk in the same streams of thought. Don’t completely change the subject, until you have given it a little attention, to show you were indeed interested. You can do this, by sharing a similar experience, or by asking good questions. Another facet of this is to mimic their feelings and body language in your own facial expressions and gestures, while they're talking. It shows your engaged, and empathetic.

That's a significant amount to think about as someone is telling you about their trip to the mall, or recent family reunion but the return on investment is huge. That person will walk away feeling loved, important, and special. So to recap......

To Listen Well:

1. create the desire to listen

2. don’t engage in other activities

3. maintain eye contact

4. don’t interrupt

5. acknowledge what they said

6. mimic body language

“People won't remember what you did or said, but they will remember how you made them feel" unknown author